<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Futile Designs by orphan_account</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23672683">Futile Designs</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Body Horror, Distopian, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Touch-Starved, Virgin Armitage Hux, Virgin Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:47:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,733</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23672683</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren discovers that other officers serving the First Order are not like himself -- their minds and bodies are altered since childhood to make them at once more and less than human.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Who’s there! Show yourself!” he heard the general’s voice, stern yet with a slight tremor at the thought that someone had gained unauthorized access into his room.</p><p>Kylo stood still, holding his breath as he mentally prepared himself for the encounter. He expected the other would be armed – he would have to act quickly, without hesitation.</p><p>He listened to the careful footsteps take a pace inside, attempting to activate the lights but to no avail. Ren was troubled that the general would call for help, but by his judgment of the other’s character, Hux would first attempt to handle the situation on his own – lest it should turn out to be a private matter. Kylo knew that the man had secrets which he preferred to keep in the realm of rumor.</p><p>“Agh!” Hux gasped a strong arm grasped him from behind and covered his mouth, the door to his quarters closing shut behind him.  With practiced efficiency, Ren activated a device which bound the man’s wrists behind his back and another which covered his eyes. "Do not move," he pushed him onto the bed. </p><p>“Who are you – what do you want?” Hux’s voice was more calm than Kylo expected it to be in such an encounter. Perhaps it was not the first time.</p><p>He did not answer him, busied with reconfiguring the passcode to keep the door locked in case the general attempted an escape.</p><p>Then, turning his attention back to his prisoner, Ren saw that he was still on the bed – that he had not moved nor showed any signs of struggle.  This complacence disconcerted him, fearing a trap.</p><p>Tentatively, he reached out and touched the man’s face, at which Hux flinched away – then holding still. At first he hoped that the device covering his vision was about to be removed, but this hope was not to be realized. He felt a gloved hand pass over his lip, and then one that was rough and cold, moving down to the collar of his uniform, undressing him with clumsy haste as it struggled with the belt and zipper.</p><p>“W-what are you doing?” said Hux, Kylo could read the fear and disgust on his face, trying not to let these things deter him.</p><p>“There is something that I must know,” a voice answered him, a voice which he did not recognize.</p><p>“Tell me what you want then – perhaps you may not need to resort to torture to get it,” Hux replied with strained composure.</p><p>“You will not be harmed” said Kylo after a pause.</p><p>“How very reassuring,” spoke Hux, “and what shall be done to me, if I may ask?  I observe that you are in the process of undressing me”</p><p>The derision in the other’s voice could not help but strike a chord of annoyance and also, embarrassment. Kylo did not answer. Against his better judgment, he removed the stormtrooper mask, the suffocating feeling becoming unbearable as beads of sweat rolled down his brow. He began to second guess his intentions – whether they were worth the risk and the possible consequences.  No – he needed to know.</p><p> “Why don’t you answer me?” Hux seemed to be growing impatient – or else, scared. Not being in control, not knowing what he was up against. These things Kylo could sense in waves as he continued to work away the uniform, pulling off the other’s boots.</p><p>“I need to see your body,” replied Kylo, uncertain if he had done the right thing in saying so.</p><p>“Why?” Hux swallowed, he did not know what answer he ought to have expected, only this one did not help to relax his foreboding.</p><p>As Ren tried to pull down his pants the general began to show the first signs of a real struggle and Kylo was obliged to lock his legs down.</p><p>“Only to see you,” said the unfamiliar voice in a tone of anger, and then, as if regretting this loss of temper, Hux felt the constraints which held his legs and arms release.</p><p>Hux’s limbs stopped thrashing, accepting his gesture of goodwill, yet Kylo could clearly feel that mistrust and discomfort were still strong in the general’s conscience. Nevertheless, something about the situation was enough to intimidate him into apparent submission.</p><p>Kylo had lain awake for many nights, unable to get the image out of his mind. Surely it had been an illusion, a trick of the eye, he thought, which made him see the strange differences in Hux’s body and his own.  Prior to the accidental glimpse in the bathing facility, what must have been a scheduling glitch, he wondered how strange it was that he had never seen another officer of the First Order without their uniform, another human being like himself.</p><p>As Ren’s eyes wandered over the other’s naked body he knew that what he thought he had seen was not a mistake – on his stomach where his bellybutton ought to have been there was something that looked like a sliver socket, his chest had no nipples and there was nothing between his legs but a smooth area and a long scar which looked as if it were made many years ago, lacking any sign of reproductive organs.</p><p>Hux’s skin was covered in goosebumps from the cold, Kylo observed, realizing in that moment, after the initial feeling of revulsion at both his own body and the other’s, that there was something vulnerable which affected him as he continued to stare. He saw as Hux shiver at his touch, recoiling.</p><p> “What is this?” said Kylo, his voice hoarse.</p><p>“I-it is for ‘feeding’,” Hux came to the conclusion then that whoever was keeping him prisoner was an intruder onboard the ship – surely one of the First Order would know.</p><p>“Feeding?”</p><p>“Yes, a balance of nutrients is injected into the body periodically in the form of a serum,” Hux explained, holding still as the other’s likely filthy fingers passed over his abdomen.  Suddenly he felt a pressure upon the sliver circular device, at which it opened. “Please don’t do that,” said Hux, not wishing to be stimulated into ravaging hunger. To his relief, the stranger complied, moving his hand down between the other’s legs and holding it there, watching Hux’s reaction. Hux bit his lip, his brow furrowing at the unwanted contact. He could not imagine what sort of person he was dealing with.</p><p>“What do you feel?” Kylo asked him.</p><p>“Nothing,” Hux did not hesitate to reply. “Excuse me, but I must get back to –“</p><p>“You will stay here until you have satisfied my curiosity”</p><p>“So this is merely curiosity then?”</p><p>Ren regretted his choice of words, it made it seem trifling – yet he could not fully explain even to himself the obsessive intensity with which he wanted to know. At the core he suspected that it was a sense of isolation that made it appear so important, the fear that he was unlike the other officers in more ways than he had ever imagined.  He did not want to pour out his feelings to Hux, but he had to say something.</p><p>“I am interested in anatomy,” Kylo replied.</p><p>“And will I be a specimen which you shall be adding to your collection?” asked Hux, too tense to make it a convincingly nonchalant remark. Kylo smiled, imagining what the general was thinking.</p><p>“No, I will content myself with the memory of this disconcertingly intimate moment between us,” said Ren in a similar manner, despite his efforts.  Failing at lightening the mood, he continued with his questioning.</p><p>“Were you born like this?”</p><p>“No,” answered Hux, “advanced surgeries were necessary to remove the inefficiencies of my original body”</p><p>“When were they performed – how long ago?”</p><p>“I must have been a child then, memories of the procedure as well as of my home planet have been erased”</p><p>“And your family? Do you remember your family?” there was something about the others answer which left an unpleasant feeling in his chest.</p><p>“Modified,” Hux answered curtly.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“It should be rather obvious,” smiled Hux, judging the other to be either young or naïve. Perhaps both. “It would not do for a senior officer to have ‘natural’ attachments, of the positive or negative kind – they have a history of getting in the way of order and obedience. And as for forming new personal ties, those are managed through suppressants. If the emotion is particularly resilient, it is usually detected through the quarterly screenings and the individual is sent for memory modification”</p><p>Kylo felt disturbed by this new information, not knowing whether to be relieved or regretful that his own troubled mental state was exempt from these procedures. As he looked at Hux’s body he began to feel more repulsed, as if he were something not far removed from a droid, masquerading as a sentient being. A feeling of sadness and regret began to sweep over him.</p><p>“Have you then never felt attachment at all – or even lust?” he ventured to speak.</p><p>Hux seemed to hesitate. With impatience, Kylo used the force to compel an answer.</p><p>“I have”</p><p>“Despite the procedures and suppressants?”</p><p>“Yes,” Hux replied and Ren could sense the shame in his face.</p><p>“What were these attachments?”</p><p>“I do not know the details of the cases”</p><p>“How do you know that there were such ‘cases’? Did you not say that all memory of them would be removed?”</p><p>Suddenly, an expression of fear passed over Hux’s countenance.</p><p>“I-I understand,” the general’s voice trembled slightly, it dawned on him why such strange methods of interrogation were being used on him, their motive hitherto unintelligible – to punish his unauthorized access to the medbay database. His guilty conscience and embarrassment had the effect of clouding his judgment. “Please – I allow me to explain, punishment is quite unnecessary. It was merely an administrative security scan that –“</p><p>“You will not be punished, as long as you make a full confession General, are you still susceptible to human weakness?” he tried to stifle the other’s undignified attempt at lying. At the same time, it pleased him to see that the general’s presumption would force him to give away more than he otherwise would.</p><p>“Yes, the dosage must be increased,” said Hux with a sycophantic vehemence which Ren found pathetic. “I should have reported it sooner only with the responsibilities of position, I felt that my duties took precedence over such urges as my loyalty would never allow me to act upon. Please consider how – “</p><p>“Enough!” Ren wished to hear no more of the man’s rambling pleas. His excuses were not what he was interested him.</p><p>“Forgive me, I shall speak only when spoken to henceforth,” said Hux, a sense of resentment creeping into his heart. Nevertheless, he was obliged to forebear, not knowing how he might extricate himself.</p><p>“Good,” said Kylo. “Now tell me General, how is it that you bother with lust and longing when it is impossible for you to ever satisfy those urges – given the impotence of your body?”</p><p>“My mind is undisciplined and retains the vestiges of the degenerate race from which I was born,” said Hux in forced humility.</p><p>“Indeed,” said Ren haughtily. “What do you fantasize of I wonder?”</p><p>This question struck Hux as being a strange one – it must be to further humiliate him. He did not know how to avoid it however, even a lie would require a certain amount of imagination, and if he did not give a convincing answer he would be punished for disobediently withholding.</p><p>“Well? I am waiting”</p><p>“I…I imagine another person in my quarters, in my bed,” Hux began, feeling discomforted not being able to see the other’s face and read his reaction. “Holding me…their body wrapped around my own, feeling their warmth”</p><p>“Yes, and then?”</p><p>“I imagine that they care for me”</p><p>“In what way?”</p><p>“They would grieve at my death and desire my success”</p><p>“Is that all?”</p><p>“I would touch them and they would touch me”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“It is shameful to describe”</p><p>“I insist”</p><p>A silence passed between them during which Hux felt increasingly tense, the air in the room felt heavy and oppressive, a choking feeling in his chest.</p><p>“We would embrace and our lips would touch, our bodies would melt into each other,” his back curled as he spoke these words, bringing his limbs closer, as if wishing to make himself smaller – to make himself disappear.</p><p>“How?” Ren felt a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach, a sense of guilt and pity for Hux as he heard his naïve confessions, which he could not doubt were sincere.</p><p>Hux did not answer and in the heavy silence Ren laid down upon the bed, gathering the other in his arms.</p><p>“No -W-what are you doing?” Hux pushed him away, frightened.</p><p>Kylo let him go, knowing that he ought to have expected such a reaction. Only, for a moment, he had imagined that Hux might accept his offer of affection, would trust him despite the distance and anonymity which he had created.</p><p>He did not know how to proceed from there. He had made a mistake.</p><p>“I will leave you now, you must speak nothing of this incident if you value your life,” giving into inadvisable impulse, he allowed Hux to see him.</p><p>“You!” Hux looked at him in astonishment. “All this time… what is the meaning of this Ren?”</p><p>“Do you understand me?” Ren grabbed his arm firmly and then let it drop, conflicting feelings boggling his actions.</p><p>“Y-yes,” mumbled Hux half audibly.</p><p>They stared at one another, both transfixed.</p><p>Suddenly, Hux felt lips press against his own. His instinct was to pull away but by a force of will he remained perfectly still for the tense uncomfortable contact.</p><p>“I will tell no one, what you told me – I will keep it safe,” said Ren as their lips parted, sensing that this experiment had none of the hoped for effects.</p><p>Hux bowed his head in token gratitude, feeling confused and troubled despite the other’s words.</p><p>“Trust me, please,” he placed his hand on Hux’s shoulder, he knew that he had to go but he could not pull himself away, too worried of what the other may think or do, “I am like you, worse – much worse”</p><p>He could see that this confession had struck a chord in Hux, whether as a means of blackmail or something deeper, only time would tell. Kylo was not afraid, or so he told himself.</p><p>Hux pulled the blanket to cover himself as he watched Ren put on his helmet and depart from his quarters – resetting the passcode back to its original.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Passing through the ship, Ren felt a sense of disquiet. His pride would not allow him to acknowledge the barrier which his mask created between himself and the strange beings which surrounded him – as if they too might reach into his mind and identify the anomaly amongst them, if their eyes should look into his and realize what he was.</p><p> The restlessness and indistinct hostility which he felt whenever he left his quarters did not ebb away with time, the memory of his encounter with Hux replaying constantly in his thoughts.</p><p>The answers which he had received were incomplete, unsatisfactory.</p><p>In the days that followed, Ren saw little of the general, until it could no longer be doubted that the man was making an active effort to avoid him. It would not do to make any further enquires as to when he might return to the ship, where he had gone and why.</p><p>A feeling of dread crept over Kylo as he began to form his own conjectures.</p><p>He thought of the screenings which the general had told him of – could it be that Hux’s transgressions had been discovered? Perhaps he had committed an unforgivable error in revealing to Ren that which he was not meant to know. This led him to wonder who was responsible for dissecting the minds of the First Order and how he might go about finding them.</p><p>However, these investigations did not progress further than hypothesizing for even through the use of the force Ren was unable to extract any clue of even the existence of such a system when he tried to enter the minds of solitary officers which he met in the halls of the ship. Only his planetside missions served to distract him from this seemingly hopeless tangent which he was following, finding upon his return that General Hux was also back on the ship – if only the man knew the feeling of relief, and excitement, this brought to Kylo.</p><p>He wasted no time in tracking Hux down, hesitating only when he had reached the door of a chamber in an unfamiliar part of the ship to which he traced the general. Hux seemed to be alone there, surrounded by machinery which Kylo did not recognize – it seemed old, anachronistic even.</p><p>“What is this place?”</p><p>Hux turned sharply as he heard a voice behind him.</p><p>“Ren – I have been expecting you,” said the general, although by his voice he seemed neither pleased nor prepared for seeing the other man again. Ren could feel his muscles grow tense, like a cornered animal preparing to strike.  </p><p>“You had long been absent Hux,” Kylo remarked.</p><p>“I was needed elsewhere,” he answered in a manner which discouraged further questions.  </p><p>“You chose to hide from me, rather than to honor your promise”</p><p>“I promised nothing,” Hux said stiffly, “and as usual, you overestimate your own importance. Do you think that I have nothing to do but think of you?”</p><p>Kylo felt abashed as he realized that indeed Hux had given no oath to trust him, it was the solemnity of their parting that made him feel as if he had. There had been something in the other’s gaze which seemed to ask  him to stay, something which he ran from – unprepared in that moment to encounter the feelings and their implications which were slowly rising to the surface. He feared that already he was on the perilous path of projection his own mind onto Hux – already he was becoming an object of contempt for the general.</p><p>“I have been waiting for you here because I have been told that you were in search of me, I believe my suspicions were correct,” Hux continued as Kylo spoke no word, only staring at him in a way that he found unnerving.  “You have chosen to meddle in matters which do not concern you and I would rather that we settle this once and for all”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Kylo was roused from his reverie.</p><p> “I want you to forget what had happened, and if you cannot, then tell me the terms upon which you would let me continue with my duties without you following me like a shadow”</p><p>“Are you afraid of me? Repulsed by me?” Kylo pressed his hand to Hux’s chest, no longer able to resist the desire to touch him.</p><p>“No,” Hux pushed the hand away, confused by the gesture.</p><p>“You are lying,” Ren’s brow furrowed.</p><p>Hux scowled back at him, barely containing the words on his lips. He despised such taunting games as these and Ren’s vexing behavior, but knew better than to offer a reaction that would allow the knight to cross certain lines.</p><p>“Why do you ask questions for which you require no answer,” Hux took a step back as Ren took one towards him, such that he nearly stumbled against the machine, a black column of flickering lights which seemed to breathe amid the dust – exhaling like a tired brutish monolith.</p><p>“Forgive me, let us proceed then,” said Ren, smiling behind his mask at the general’s awkwardness. “I would like to know more about these intrusions into your conscience. When is the next one to be scheduled?”</p><p>“In 42 cycles,” Hux replied briskly, as if to show that this was what he wanted: to get it over with.</p><p>“With whom?”</p><p>“I am not at liberty to divulge that information”</p><p>“Is that so,” Ren attempted to search his mind, knowing beforehand that he would need to resort to such measures.  However, he was both surprised and disappointed to find that Hux himself did not know the identity of the figure which held such power of him – he saw a vision of Hux sitting in a small compartment, dark and claustrophobic, divided by a partition through which he sensed an aura of energy. By tendrils of light it seemed to reach through Hux’s eyes, his nose and mouth, searching his soul. It reminded him of beings which dwelt in the dark depths of oceans, only he could not tell if it was organic or some manner of machine. He had never seen anything like it.</p><p>Hux knew what had been done to him and resented Ren for the callous manner in which he took what he wanted. The only thing which comforted the general was the knowledge that Ren’s violations into the forbidden would surely be punished. All that he had to do was wait patiently, allowing no weakness to pass through the cold façade which he was keeping between Kylo and his own flawed nature, incriminating the other man while remaining blameless. Although he could not bring himself to acknowledge it, Hux was half aware that some form of attachment had formed between them, fragile and unspoken, hiding itself behind ulterior motives. This was both his greatest threat and protection against the violence and cruelty in Ren’s character.</p><p>“So you do not know, for years you have performed these involuntary confessions, not knowing what entity lies behind the veil,” said Ren, speaking only to confirm Hux’s suspicions as to what he had seen. “Have you ever refused or attempted to resist?”</p><p>Hux bit his lip slightly, considering whether the present moment was one which called upon him to resist, but in the end he decided against it – to struggle against Ren would be to no avail.</p><p>“Yes,” he answered, turning his eyes away.</p><p>“But not anymore?”</p><p>“No”</p><p>Kylo was displeased by the uncommunicative nature of the general, yet he could not have expected him to be otherwise – not unless he offered a threat or an incentive.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“For the same reason that I am speaking with you now, when I would rather be elsewhere,” he smiled sardonically.</p><p>“Because you are a coward,” Ren felt more of a sting from the other’s words than he could fully admit to himself.</p><p>“I have wisdom enough not to rush to my own destruction,” Hux looked at him with something of defiance, a secret part of him was ashamed and resentful but this was not the time and place to exact his revenge.</p><p>“And have you the wisdom to recognize an ally?” he asked him, venturing to place his hand upon the other’s shoulder as a reminder of their last meeting.</p><p>Hux needed no signal, for the memory of the last time he had seen Ren was engraved upon his mind, filling him with a sense of dread – like a design error which he had no hope of repairing; to stall, to conceal, to appease after the damage was done where his only options.</p><p>“On what basis do you propose this…this alliance?” said Hux, flinching as Ren took his hand and began to remove the black leather glove. He tried to pull away but Kylo held his wrist more firmly until the bare skin was exposed.</p><p>“On the basis of vulnerability,” he watched Hux closely.</p><p>Kylo held the fingers to his lips, kissing them slowly, not taking his eyes off of Hux, who bore an outraged or horror-stricken expression on his face as Ren put them into his mouth, lapping at them with his tongue in a strangely arousing manner. He saw a vision of Ren standing completely undressed before him, then suddenly disappearing like a mirage so that he was unsure if he was losing his mind. Only he could still feel a wetness on his hands, unable to understand what was happening to him. </p><p>Kylo was pleased that the general did not draw the hand away and thereby decided that he would take the experiment further. He removed the hand from his mouth and moved it down to his own neck, then lower upon his torso, and lower still until it rested upon his waist.</p><p>“Now it is your turn – to touch, to kiss, – all which you had imagined Hux. We are alone here and I will keep your secrets”</p><p>“M-my turn?” Hux seemed to awaken then, for he made another effort to withdraw from the apparation which gazed at him expectantly. Kylo did not let him. “Let me go! I do not wish to lick your filthy hands you –“</p><p>“Be silent,” hissed Kylo, “you deny yourself these things not because you do not want them but because you are afraid. Allow yourself to imagine and to desire me. Allow me into your fantasies. My body and your body will take shape before you and we will together learn the ways of love through the force”</p><p>“You flatter yourself,” scoffed Hux, his face burning.</p><p>“My intention was to flatter you,” he smirked, “but I would rather do more than speak idle words. Our punishment is already inevitable – is that not so?”</p><p>“You will not deceive me, I know that you are ignorant and are merely fishing for information. Or else, you take pleasure in torturing me,” Hux endured as Kylo brushed his fingertips along the contour of his face, tracing circles where his sideburns were. “What are you doing?” he muttered, swatting the hand away when he could stand it no more.</p><p>“I do not wish to torture you, I prefer to bring you pleasure,” said Kylo provokingly.</p><p>“And yourself”</p><p>“Yes – it ought to be mutually enjoyable,” Kylo smiled, “but it seems that you are too modest to participate. Do you require some encouragement?” he took both of Hux’s hands and placed them upon his helmet. “You may take it off, you may take anything off that you would like. We will start slowly, from the beginning,” Ren said invitingly.</p><p>“I-I do not welcome these flirtations Ren,” said Hux, feeling uncertain.</p><p>“No. You simply do not wish to admit that you welcome them,” said Kylo with the assurance of the other’s palpitating heart. “I am here in front of you as a vision, and yet I will feel your touch as if you were next to me”</p><p>“To humor you,” said Hux arrogantly, removing the helmet, embarrassed to find that his hands were trembling.  Suddenly, he saw strange dreams appear vividly in his mind, his naked body intertwined with Ren’s upon a bed, such that he could almost sense the other’s warmth, the feeling of skin against skin. Startled, the general dropped the mask, seeing it clatter nosily to the floor.</p><p>“To get rid of me,” Kylo smirked.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, precisely,” Hux smiled back, trying to steady himself, to show no sign of what he had seen. The moment of silence between them gave him time to survey the man’s countenance with a certain admiration which he would never admit to. </p><p>“Would you leave with me?”</p><p>“For where?” Hux played along with Ren’s banter, not knowing how else to respond. When it came to informal conversations he struggled to think on his feet, having had little practice with anything that resembled friendship. </p><p>“For my quarters, for yours, or perhaps, one day, from the First Order,” he removed his own gloves and took Hux’s hand again, pressing it.</p><p>“Do you really think I will succumb to these affectionate suggestions to commit treason?” Hux laughed dryly, contemptuously. In truth he felt nervous and Kylo knew it. It gave him hope.</p><p>“I do not know,” he answered with candor. “I only know that I want you to, very much. Please – let me help you,” Kylo lowered himself onto his knees in front of Hux, still holding his hands. This of all of his gestures surprised the general the most. Ren’s voice was soft, pleading. Again he kissed Hux’s hand, his wrist, his palm with a tenderness which he had not felt before.</p><p>“You wish to ensnare me,” Hux forced himself to say, thinking of the consequences of allowing himself to feel. It was a mockery of his fantasies, a trap, he was not fool enough to be taken in by such acting.</p><p>“Yes,” Kylo rose slowly to his feet and placed his hands on the collar of Hux’s coat, slipping it down from his shoulders under the general’s watchful eye. He laid it down upon the floor like a blanket </p><p>“This again?” he fought back, seeing the pain in Kylo’s eyes at this cold reply. At the same time, a part of Hux struggled to suppress the pleasure which he felt in his newfound influence, his pride was flattered by these attentions and by Kylo’s submission. Suddenly, he felt his vision grow blurry, finding it hard to breathe.</p><p>The last thing which he remembered was Ren supporting him as he was falling to the floor in something like a swoon.  When he opened his eyes again, he was in his quarters, only he was not alone. Kylo lay beside him in the bed, his head was resting against Ren’s chest. Groggily, he lifted his eyes to look at Kylo’s face – he seemed to be asleep, or else he had not observed that Hux had regained consciousness. He was about to rise when the arm around his shoulders held him. Kylo was looking at him.</p><p>“What did you do to me Ren?” said Hux nervously, “why are we both naked in my bed?”</p><p>“I kept you warm, that is all,” Kylo stroked his hair as if to soothe him. “Would you have preferred more?”</p><p>“No,” muttered Hux, “I-I must be late. I do not have time for this,” again he tried to get out of bed, and again Kylo prevented him.</p><p>“Please Hux, do not leave,” said Kylo, “rest beside me”</p><p>“I cannot rest, you must be out of your mind to think that this act of madness would go in your favor,” Hux felt embarrassed as Kylo caressed his bare shoulder. “Why are you doing this to me – you know that I cannot reciprocate your feelings”</p><p>“You felt this way long before you knew of my depravity, you are the same as I am – only you choose to lie to yourself, and to me,” Kylo insisted, clinging to him with cloying desperation.</p><p>“Do you think that a longing for companionship in someone such as myself would be as indiscriminate as to submit to the first person to make advances upon me?” Hux answered him, “And at what cost – you do not think, or else do not care, what will happen when this is discovered”</p><p>“You think always of the future, and imagine that you must face it alone”</p><p>“I keep myself alive”</p><p>“Is this what you call living?” Kylo felt frustrated with the walls that Hux was putting up between them, at the same time he knew that he had taken the wrong approach – impatient for the comfort and connection which he craved.</p><p>“You do not know what I had to do to get here – I will not allow you to take it from me,” Hux wanted to strike him, to run.</p><p>“I want to give you something more”</p><p>“You are a fool Ren,” Hux muttered, “let me go, I warn you”</p><p>“You are unhappy, you have long been unhappy – let me help you”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“By making a vow of loyalty,” said Kylo solemnly.</p><p>“My loyalty is to the Order”</p><p>“You speak as if the Supreme Leader sits on your shoulder and listens, but I listen too, and hear your heart and your spirit. They tell me otherwise”</p><p>“What right have you to intrude upon my thoughts,” said Hux, “I do not care for your theatrical nonsense. You catch glimpses and interpret them to fit your desires. Your judgment is clouded by this insanity, and by your ego”</p><p>“What right have they? You have given them your mind and your body, but do they ask for your soul as well?”</p><p>“I would rather entrust it to them than to you Ren”</p><p>“Liar!” Kylo had to restrain himself, his temper was stirred by the rejection which he received.</p><p>Hux could see the anger in Kylo’s eyes and for a moment he felt frightened.</p><p>“There may be others whose weak will would – “</p><p>“I do not want another, I want you,” Kylo insisted, tears rolling down his face, to Hux’s astonishment.</p><p>“You are acting like a child”</p><p>“Are you human at all – is there anything that they left of you?”</p><p>“You know how and what I feel,” Hux said bitterly, not knowing whether to soothe or wound him further in order to get him to leave.</p><p>“I know almost nothing about you”</p><p>“And so you let your imagination fill in the gaps,” he said unsympathetically, lying down on his back as Ren looked at him, curled up pathetically on his side.</p><p>“You do not care – you do not want me beside you”</p><p>“I thought that I made that entirely clear”</p><p>“Can I ask something of you?”</p><p>“I have no means of preventing it”</p><p>Ren furrowed his brow, but went on.</p><p>“If you ever do feel like this….like I do now,” said Ren slowly, “you will remember that you can come to me – that I will never turn you away or ridicule, nor use it against you in any way.”</p><p>“And what would happen in this hypothetical situation?”</p><p>“We would comfort one another, we would hold each other close,” Kylo forced himself to smile.</p><p>"You are pathetic Ren” Hux turned away from him, facing the opposite wall. He could not sleep, feeling Ren's needy and obsessive longing. If he focused upon the other man's weakness, he did not have to look closely at his own. It was for Ren's sake that he allowed these limbs to wrap themselves around him, his stern expression and alertness softening only when he heard the steady breathing of sleep as Kylo spooned him. He looked at Ren in his memories and found him beautiful, wondering why the knight had chosen him when there were others more worthy and able to show him love. Hux rested his hand on his stomach, then lower against his inner thigh, until he found the scar, wondering what it was like to be human.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>